Oh, you know Ned...he goes along with just about anything as long as he's got plenty to eat and doesn't have to deal with dogs and cats. Mother.....HA! hahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahaha
(in case you are wondering...that is hysterical laughter)
Mother called early this morning from Green Grove...Hank is out of town...she woke me up. Before you go judging, the following is the basic framework of a conversation that she and I have had three times in the past week (minus the waking up part). She and Hank have had the same conversation three times. We'll have the same conversation probably ten more times before Christmas Day.
M: Are you awake?
B: No ma'am.
M: Why not...it's time to go to church.
At this point, I sat straight up in the bed and looked at the clock. Trust me...NOT time to go to church in these parts unless you are a monk (and yes...we do have a monastery in our community for real.)
B: It is not time to go to church.
M: What time is it? (She apparently looks at her watch.) Goodness, why am I up and dressed so early?
B: No idea...I promise...NO idea.
M: What are we doing on Christmas Day?
Here we go...
B: We will come by for you and Ned and go to Mary Elizabeth's. (her sister...until I was eight, Christmas Day was at my grandmother's. When my grandmother moved from the farm to live next door to ME in town, she began to host the family.)
M: Are you sure? I don't think I've been invited.
B: You're invited.
M: How do you know?
B: OK...maybe you're not invited. ( I do this...I get sarcastic. Not proud of it, but it does usually knock her into reality for a bit.)
M: Of COURSE I'm invited. What else would I do on Christmas Day? What do I need to do? Have you bought all of the presents? (By this, she means the presents that SHE is giving to people. I have purchased, wrapped, and delivered all of her Christmas presents for the last ten years, including what she gives to us.)
B: I will by Friday.
M: Why are you waiting until the last minute?
B: Because I work very long days and have not had time to shop. I have this entire week off. I'll bring everything over to you no later than Thursday afternoon.
M: Why in the world would you have to work long days. You work in a school for heaven's sake. The children go home at 3:00. (I let that one go...) Why don't you all come and stay here at Green Grove for the holidays? (Hmmmm this is new...not a part of the previous conversations.)
B: Who? Me?
M: All of you. They have rooms with cots.
I couldn't help it...I started to giggle. I couldn't help it. I started to giggle and tears started streaming down my face.
M: What are you laughing about?
M: Stop laughing! I'm going to hitch hike to your house.
The hitch hiking idea is a new twist too.
B: Feel free.
M: Good...Now... I called to find out where we're going for Christmas...Did you just get up? It's time for church...
I'm tired now...will save the conversation about whether or not Ned believes in Santa for another day.
OH...and if you see a little old lady hitch hiking down I-26 between Orangeburg and Charleston, please drop her off at Exit 194.