Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas with Mother and Ned

Oh, you know Ned...he goes along with just about anything as long as he's got plenty to eat and doesn't have to deal with dogs and cats.  Mother.....HA!   hahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahaha
(in case you are wondering...that is hysterical laughter)

Mother called early this morning from Green Grove...Hank is out of town...she woke me up.  Before you go judging, the following is the basic framework of a conversation that she and I have had three times in the past week (minus the waking up part).  She and Hank have had the same conversation three times.  We'll have the same conversation probably ten more times before Christmas Day.

M: Are you awake?
B:  No ma'am.
M: Why's time to go to church.

At this point, I sat straight up in the bed and looked at the clock.  Trust me...NOT time to go to church in these parts unless you are a monk (and yes...we do have a monastery in our community for real.)

B:  It is not time to go to church.
M: What time is it?  (She apparently looks at her watch.) Goodness, why am I up and dressed so early?
B:  No idea...I promise...NO idea.
M: What are we doing on Christmas Day?

Here we go...

B:  We will come by for you and Ned and go to Mary Elizabeth's. (her sister...until I was eight, Christmas Day was at my grandmother's. When my grandmother moved from the farm to live next door to ME in town, she began to host the family.)
M: Are you sure?  I don't think I've been invited.
B: You're invited.
M: How do you know?
B:  OK...maybe you're not invited. ( I do this...I get sarcastic.  Not proud of it, but it does usually knock her into reality for a bit.)
M: Of COURSE I'm invited.  What else would I do on Christmas Day?  What do I need to do?  Have you bought all of the presents?  (By this, she means the presents that SHE is giving to people.  I have purchased, wrapped, and delivered all of her Christmas presents for the last ten years, including what she gives to us.)
B:  I will by Friday.
M: Why are you waiting until the last minute?
B:  Because I work very long days and have not had time to shop.  I have this entire week off.  I'll bring everything over to you no later than Thursday afternoon.
M: Why in the world would you have to work long days.  You work in a school for heaven's sake.  The children go home at 3:00.  (I let that one go...)  Why don't you all come and stay here at Green Grove for the holidays?  (Hmmmm this is new...not a part of the previous conversations.)
B:  Who?  Me?
M:  All of you.  They have rooms with cots.

I couldn't help it...I started to giggle. I couldn't help it.  I started to giggle and tears started streaming down my face.

M:  What are you laughing about?
B:  Nothing
M:  Stop laughing! I'm going to hitch hike to your house. 

The hitch hiking idea is a new twist too.

B:  Feel free.
M:  Good...Now... I called to find out where we're going for Christmas...Did you just get up?  It's time for church...

I'm tired now...will save the conversation about whether or not Ned believes in Santa for another day.

OH...and if you see a little old lady hitch hiking down I-26 between Orangeburg and Charleston, please drop her off at Exit 194.


  1. Is this really what I'm in for?
    We had to move my father in law to assisted living recently because his Alzheimers has gotten pretty bad. I think the only thing that saves me from conversations like this is that he can't remember our phone number, let alone who we are. I shouldn't be saying this, carma is going to bite me for it.

  2. We have the same types of conversations with my grandmother on a regular basis and yes my mom reacts the same way to her as you do yours. As bad as it sounds I do find these conversation quite funny at times.

  3. Seriously, you need to write a book aptly titled: Sh%t My Mom Says.
    Gosh I miss my mom, she was a nut too!

  4. Oh, too funny! I agree with Funny in my should consider writing a book about your mom and Ned.....

    I'd surely buy it!!


  5. You are a riot, even though I *know* it wasn't funny at the time. And I say this just having returned from the 3-hour volunteer shift at the nursing home.

    The hitchhiking threat is priceless. God love you Miss Belle, you are the best. (BTW, I'm so sorry to read about the thieves at the farm, that is *awful*!)

    Sending you a smile and a hug,

  6. I know your pain.....My mother was a bit confused in her last days, and we had the same conversations over and over and over again. Although it can drive you crazy, you actually miss it when it's gone....

    Merry Christmas!
    The Classic Preppy


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