Monday, June 14, 2010

A Guest Post Courtesy of ADG (Maxminimus)

I know I'm not the only fan of Maxminimus and its author ADG. He has QUITE the following...What a southern gentleman! What a wonderful daddy to his beautiful daughter LFG!! And to top it off, he's a South Carolinian by birth and a right snappy dresser. He graciously agreed to write a guest post for me and for the girls over at Life Lessons for Dumb Boys. Tell your friends, and if you don't visit Maxminimus on a regular basis, well, you really should start. He never disappoints...

So, without further adieu...courtesy of ADG...

Knucklehead Management

Now I’m thinking that since very few boys are reading your blog, I’ll pen this for the girls. Sort of a primer for things to consider regarding expectations YOU set. NOT expectations that your parents set for you. If you value who you are and what you are—set parameters that YOU believe in. This leads me to…

Number One: Don’t abrogate responsibility for your standards by saying …. “My parents insist that…..”. If you want to be treated a certain way and you feel like you deserve such treatment, let these knuckleheads know that it’s you—not your parents who are setting your standards.

Number Two: The way you begin is the way you end. In other words, the standards you have at the beginning of an encounter will at best, be the standards that carry the relationship. You can loosen the reins a bit over time if you choose, but it’s tough to heighten your standards later on if knucklehead starts getting sloppy.

Number Three: He’s not THAT cool and you CAN live without him. Tough news I know but please…if you feel bad about things with knucklehead more often than you’re having fun—it’s time to curb the boy. I know, I know…he’s the cutest guy in school, quarterback of EVERYTHING and it’s you—pinch yourself—it’s you he wants to date. Big whup. You’ll have more fun with someone who’s slightly less cool but scores higher on the consistency scale.

Number Four: God love ‘em…they are all knuckleheads…every last one of them. The good news is that they are coachable—especially if they really like you. Even the ones that might be a bit cooler than the others are really, deep down, just knuckleheads. Think about a Labrador puppy…that’s your knucklehead boyfriend. Use this as context when you are suggesting that they turn their baseball cap forward, buy their khakis in a waist size that isn’t four sizes too big and not refer to you as “she and her” when talking to their friends while you are sitting at their side. You have a name. Insist that they use it.

Number Five: I don’t care if they are in church or at mass five times each week, these knuckleheads are a hormonal mess! You’ve heard it from your fathers and probably others but you’ll hear it again from me…they will do anything and say anything to reach the ultimate conquest. Do I need to be any more specific? When you and knucklehead are reading poetry amidst a breezy day on The Battery—trust me—knucklehead would rather be doing other things. Don’t let him. Oh and by the way, don’t think any of this hormonal messiness settles down any sooner for the knuckleheads till about age thirty
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Number Six: And finally two things to close this out. First…these knuckleheads that are causing you so much joy, frustration, giggly fun times and moments of rage…none of them will be your husband. Hate to burst your bubble but statistics are on my side in this case. So use this time as a training and development opportunity. Trial and error…now’s the time. Hone your skills…it’s time for having fun ‘cause this is just a scrimmage. Second…You my girls, have ALL the power in this game. The sooner you recognize it and leverage such power amidst all things knucklehead, the sooner the doors will open for you, your name will be used in lieu of “hey you or her”, ball caps will do a one-eighty and baggy pants will suddenly fit.

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