Monday, April 20, 2009

Funerals and Clown Makeup

While I'm finishing up the grant I thought you might enjoy some oldies but goodies...my Funerals in the South series...I had SO MUCH fun writing these and they are among my favorites. TODAY FOR OUR READING PLEASURE...Part I, Funerals and Clown Makeup
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I went to a funeral this morning for the parent of a coworker and it got me to thinking. While I’ve traveled quite a bit in my lifetime, I’ve always lived within a 100 mile radius of where I was born. It’s my little bubble and I like it. Having said this, you can understand why I don’t have anything other than a “southern belle bubble” perspective on funerals.

Southern belles are raised to deal with death in a very unique way. We have at least one funeral outfit in the closet at all times. When arranging a funeral, it is important to have someone with a sense of style in charge. Consequently, after the initial shock wears off (you get about an hour and a half) the southern belle has to WILL herself into Funeral Hostess mode. There will be plenty of time to mourn later on. In my neck of the woods, a funeral is a macabre sort of social event and there are rules! People are going to judge…they are going to talk…they are going to compare your “style” with every other funeral that they can recall. The house has to be immaculate…the best china and crystal ready for use and the silver polished. While the belle is at the funeral home and florist, neighbors, co-workers and church friends will swoop in. In addition to bringing food and drink and ice and flowers, they’ll cut your grass, wash and iron your clothes, clean your kitchen, vacuum and sweep your floors, feed your children, and walk your dog. When you get back they’ll try to make you eat, take a Valium, and lie down for a few minutes. They know you won’t do any of these things, except maybe take the Valium, but they’re going to keep trying. You’ll return the favor eventually.

Choosing a casket in which to place a loved for all eternity is tricky business. I’m partial to wood, but some members of my family prefer the classic gray metal version. Of course, there is quite a variety of themed caskets available these days…college mascots, hunting/camouflage, and so forth. Likewise, choosing what your loved one is going to WEAR for all eternity takes some thought. While Mrs. Ray Don Dickson did not purchase the hunting themed casket, when Mr. Ray Don Dickson went to his great reward, she had him dressed in his hunting clothes. She did not have a southern belle at her disposal to assist and YES, people talked about her TERRIBLE but I reckon it wasn’t anybody’s business but hers. My 101 year old grandmother was dressed in a simple peach colored Vanity Fair nylon nightgown and robe with little embroidered flowers on it.

My family has used the same funeral home forever…they’ve buried every member of my daddy’s family, including my daddy (wooden casket/wore a suit). They know what we expect and have never let us down. When my daddy’s sister died (wooden casket/favorite red suit), there was no way I was allowing an open casket. I was in charge and she didn't look anything like she did before she'd moved to the nursing home a few years prior. I have no doubt that she would have haunted me until I lost my mind if I’d let the general public see her like that. Thomas, the funeral director, didn’t budge when people inquired about viewing…”be here at 6:00 pm and Belle will probably let you take a little peek before everybody else arrives for the visitation” is what he was directed to say. Nobody argued and the few close friends and family members who needed the closure were there at 6:00 pm. and we closed her back up at 6:15...taking me on when I’m in Funeral Hostess Mode isn’t wise. One thing you do need to watch out for at a southern funeral parlor…they have a tendency to miss the boat with the hair and makeup. As my friend Anita said recently when her father passed away, “I’ve got to get over to the funeral home to be sure everything looks alright…I’m scared they might have put clown makeup on Daddy.”

to be continued….next time funeral locations and funeral food

29 comments:

  1. You should no something right now. No matter what stage in life I'm in.. it could be next year, it could be 20 or 30 years from now... I will be contacting you to walk me through all these rules. Just please remember who I am okay? Thanks!

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  2. Oh my gosh. This is a great post. And - oh so true!! I can't wait for Chapter II. :)

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  3. Jessica...you just holler...I'll be there for ya.

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  4. Jessica...you just holler...I'll be there for ya.

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  5. As northerner one who lived down south for a few years recently, funerals are a really big deal down there. It isn't that we don't care here. We just don't do it like you do there.

    Or maybe I am wrong, and I am the one wearing the wrong clothes to funerals. And people are talking about me. Oh jeesh, I hope that isn't it.

    Can't wait for Part II.

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  6. yup, you might get a call from me! I did not know all those rules. I hate funerals - can't wait for the next issue!

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  7. Wow, I had no idea it was like that. Being from Ohio it's just not the same...
    Carrie

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  8. Ah, southerness. You must be born with it ... but even those not born into it can surely appreciate it and take note! :)

    Kudos on your illustration!

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  9. I am telling you - there is a good book in here somewhere - SERIOUSLY!!!

    Take care - Kellan

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  10. Thanx for you comment. I am excited for my cruise! I love learning about the world you live in- all of these things are things my parents worry about, not me. I suppose I will have to deal with it someday. My mother's family is all from the south and when my grandmother died, there was just a different manner in which people acted towards each other than up here. People were just so much more....respectful. I am interested in seeing your next post!

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  11. I will never forget in high school when one of my friend passed away on how persistent my mother was that I MUST get a new dress to wear.

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  12. That is so true.
    In Texas, the old men always are buried in their suit and cowboy boots. There cowboy hat resting on their chest. So funny!

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  13. So true, so true.


    about the comment you left on my last post...I've been in that same scene with my mother. Only, she likes to add on the end of it, "you do realize she used to be a professional dancer?" Now I'm just the fat girl no one recognizes. ha.

    Have a great day!
    ~Belle

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  14. This is all too true... I had never stopped to think that it is different in other regions.

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  15. You are spot on - especially while you are at the funeral home the ECW (or Circle whatever denomination) swoop in with deviled eggs (what is a funeral without them) and plates of fried chicken, ham, cookies, coconut cake - you have to go on a diet for a month after you bury your loved one....but if you do not do what you are suppose to - the talk will swirl - especially in a small town, and I know I am from a small, small SC town.

    You put a smile on my face today - THANK YOU

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  16. You are so spot on!! It is quite the ritual here in the south. I didn't have my first funeral experience until I was in college; my grandfather passed away and it was an EYW opening experience. And Yes, PEOPLE WILL TALK!! And sometimes not so quietly!! Can't wait for part two!

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  17. Oh and I forgot to add that I will be buried in a wooden casket and THERE WILL NOT be an open casket. I don't care if I even look better dead than alive!! I will HAUNT anyone who goes against this request!!

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  18. I had never really thought that funerals were different in other parts of the US. I have only attended funerals in Oklahoma so that is all I know. You have your funeral clothes, you look away if the loved ones break down but talk to others about it later, there is ALWAYS tons of food and everyone brings a freezable/re-heatable casserole for the family so they don't have to "cook" anything for the next few...sometimes week or so, and you always offer your: time, ear, thoughts and prayers. -Never heard of anyone mowing lawns though.

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  19. Oh my goodness... this post made me laugh. "they will talk...."

    :)

    Can't wait for the rest....

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  20. This is so "spot on". Just went through the same experience myself with my best friend. Also live in a small southern town where the funeral home at times is the center of all the gossip. Love your blog.

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  21. If you need a friend to sit with you at the hospital and hold your hand...well, that's not me, but if you need the leaves swept off your front porch while everybody goes to the cemetery or all the excess food bagged up and your tupperware washed, well, I'm your girl.

    And I'm not even Southern, though I've lived here for 25 years.

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  22. This is hysterical! My relatives owned funeral homes and there are certainly "rules" to follow in the south. My grandmother's maid, who was with the family for 40 years, knew exactly where the box of clothes were that my grandmother was to wear to her "final resting place." I can never hear the song, "I Come To The Garden Alone" without thinking of all the funerals where that was played.
    Don't forget that every southern funeral meal has to have a jello salad of some type!!!

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  23. Who knew there were so many rules. I just hate how expensive funerals are. Just make me a wooden box and I will be fine, I promise when I am dead I won't be uncomfortable.

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  24. Well, when I saw the post above and it said thanks for the comments on post one, which I had missed, I stopped and came right here. I'm so glad I did. Girl, I'm a southern belle myself, and you've made me proud! Thanks for a few giggles. Now, I'm off to read your new post.

    Hugs!
    Kat

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  25. You are a wonderful writer. I feel like i am reading a book.

    We lived away from my extended family. This is so facinating!

    Looking forward to more.

    ~Julie

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  26. Oh Lord was that funny and true! I've been right there. The worst was a funeral director I had to deal with in Alabama. After he told us how "THEY DID THINGS THERE" for the hundredth time in 30minutes, I finally mustered the nerve to tell him I understood how they did things, but this was the way we were going to do it this time. Lord have mercy, I told him who would be coming to sing and his response was "Fer R-E-A-L?" Then he left her at the church with no car to get back to the airport. Talk about taking on a belle in the Funeral Hostess Mode -I get it big time. GREAT POST!

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  27. I'm glad someone else understands how we do funerals here!

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  28. I need to know the rest about the clown makeup!!!

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  29. I was shocked at how different funerals were in New England than what I had experienced growing up in Utah. It's funny how much things change depending on the area of the country. But I had no idea there were such important rules. And the whole make up and hair thing still makes me freak out...I hate it when they change them so much you can't even tell who they were! Now I'm off to read part II...I guess it pays to be gone from blogland...now I get to read it without even having to wait!

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