Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Icing on the Cake

Thank you for propping me up over the last couple of days. Believe you me, I'd much rather write the happy silly stuff than venting about my mother. I know she can't help it. Dementia is an cruel and ugly thing.

We survived and I'm not going to belabor the uncomfortableness of the beach trip with mother. She wanted to go, we took her, now we know that taking her away from Green Grove overnight just isn't going to work anymore. Those days are done. Now we know...I don't know if I'll ever learn, though. Everytime, we hold out hope that "this time it won't be so bad." But it is...

We drove the hour from the beach to our house so that Hank could load the lawnmower. He then left for the farm, dropping mother and Ned off along the way. As they started to get into his truck, mother asked about her suitcase, which was already loaded. Then she looked at me and said "come on, let's go." When I said that I wasn't going, she asked, "You aren't going with us to the beach???"

She didn't remember that we'd just left the beach an hour ago.

Then Ned said, "please don't dump Hank...we really like him." (All I can figure is that he heard me ask Hank to dump the trash as we left the condo.)

I said, "Don't worry, I like him too."

I feel like I've been in some kind of bizarre parallel universe for 48 hours.

I just finished eating all of the ice cream that was in our freezer.

The End
OH...back in the REAL world...Lorelai landed a full-time summer job at the bank. YAY!!!!! Both kids are employed for the summer. DOUBLE YAY!!!


  1. You handle things with such grace!

  2. I certainly hope that there was some Ben and Jerry's in that freezer, sounds like you deserve it! I'm so sorry that the weekend went awry, it is so hard to deal with dementia. But good news about Lorelai and Legare - Cait is busy sending applications to every school district in the state. I just hope she lands a job somewhere within driving distance :) Kathy

  3. Glad you all made it back with Mom and hopefully she is satisfied now that she has been to the beach. You were a very sweet daughter to take her! Glad Lorelai got a summer job. That is great. Love & blessings from NC!

  4. grandfather was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago; the doctor's are now saying it's full blown Alzheimer's. I'm just so thankful that he remembers who I am (for now).

    YAY! For Lorelai's summer job at the bank. I worked at the bank for a summer in college and even part time during the school year. It's a great summer job, you get the weekends off!

  5. I admire you for speaking so openly. And congrats on the summer jobs for your kidlets.

  6. I am glad you are able to vent, that is the best thing ever. I hear you about the ice cream!

    Hugs dear one.


  7. Sorry about your mom. Both of my grandmothers had Alzheimer's- it was awful. I can only imagine what you're going through. I'm really sorry. Congrats though that both your son and daughter are employed! Hooray! :)

  8. Way to go children!! And I will say this in all honesty. You are a wonderful daughter and sister. Period. Never forget that. xoxo

  9. Sorry things didn't go as you hoped. Your mother is so blessed to have you, even if she doesn't realize it anymore.

  10. I hope you are keeping your sanity in tact! :)

    Lol, don't dump Hank...

  11. You always impress with me with your ability to find and celebrate the humor.

    And way to go on the summer employment!

  12. Yes, a double yay is in order!

    So cute of Ned to want to keep Hank!

    Even though you feel like pulling your hair out many times, you are an attentive, wonderful daughter and sister! Wonderful!

  13. You are the most grace filled woman I know!

  14. Sounds like you handled a tough situation with grace.

    Several years ago, when my grandfather's Alzheimer's became progressively worse, my father put him in a place similar to Green Grove. We attempted to bring him home for Thanksgiving, but it was a total disaster. He was mad that he was missing the meal at his home-nevermind the lovely dinner my mother had cooked for us! We quickly realized the importance of keeping him in a routine, even during the holidays. It broke our hearts not to have him home during the holidays, but we knew it was for the best.

    Hang in there, you are a terrific daughter and sister!

  15. Just got caught up on my blog reading and your weekend at the beach. Glad you made it through without strangling anyone!

  16. I am so sorry about your mom. My aunt has the same thing and it is so taxing for the caretaker.

    I think that I would have had a meltdown when she turned to me and asked about going to the beach! God bless you!

  17. I think you are a wonderful daughter. My father is 85 and has Parkinson's Disease and has some dementia, he can't bear that he will get worse and that he may be deemed to have Alzheimer's. I am far away, but I do love my siblings that so much of the routine things fall on.
    Thank you for sharing.

  18. P.S. I want to add that I always, always went for vanilla ice cream after a visit. That proved to be my comfort for those difficult times.

    Hugs ~

  19. I'm late to the party, so to speak, as I just found your blog. My mother had strokes and dementia & confusion resulted. It was extremely difficult. I learned that one must just 'allow' them to be where ever they are in their minds. If you try to correct or remind them, it makes their thought process worse. One minute they are in 1940 and the next, in the present tense. More than likely, she will remember the old days as the short term memory fades. I found it best to just agree with whatever was being said..lots less frustration on both parts.

    Removing them from their familiar home or room is quite confusing. They get disoriented and that adds to their frustration & ability to be on an even keel.

    I should stop now. Sorry 'bout all the suggestions, etc. It's just that I remember these days so well and it really hurts your heart.

    Sending you constant support, peace and best wishes along with brightest blessings.



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