Just when you think she's calmed down...

Mother called last Friday night quite late...we were just brushing our teeth and getting ready to turn on the sound machine and go to sleep.

You'll need a little background information to help you get through the post. Ann, a lovely ANGEL of a lady, has been helping us with mother and Ned since January of 2008. If we had not found Ann, we would have had to separate them at that time. They had to have help at home...Ned had practically become the responsible one in the house and that was not going to work. So...along comes our angel of mercy, who has become and will always be considered a member of our family. I think it does bother mother some though, that Ned seems to like Ann the best. Ann is fun...mother is generally not all that much fun.

I manage all financial matters for mother and Ned. For some odd reason, she has three checking accounts...Ned has one. Mother still receives her bank statements but rarely looks at them. I pay Ann $325 a week, which I think is a bargain considering she lives just five minutes away and will come running anytime mother calls, even after hours. I'd pay her more if she asked for it! I rotate the accounts I pay her from, so one check gets written from each account each month. I gave her a generous Christmas bonus from my own funds...thank goodness...you'll understand why I say that as you read on.

Back to Friday night...PHONE RINGS...I answer...

Mother: Belle, I'm looking at my December bank statement. What is this check for $325?

Me: That's where I paid Ann.

Mother: You are KIDDING me? She makes $325 a MONTH?

Me: (stupid stupid me): No, she makes $325 a week.

Mother: A WEEK....YOU ARE JOKING!!! I'm getting rid of her. That is ridiculous. People don't make that kind of money. I bet she's just LAUGHING at you when she takes that check to the bank. She is taking you for RIDE!!!!

Me: She's not taking me for a ride and she isn't laughing...It isn't ridiculous and you can't get rid of her. (Hank is listening...shaking his head) She's worth every penny...you're moving in a month and you need her to help you get ready.

Mother: I know I'm moving in a month....golly doodlebugs...now what did I call you for?

Me: (getting smarter) To ask about a $325 check on your bank statement

Mother: Oh yes...what was that for?

Me: (brilliant me) It's what we pay Ann every month. (Forgive me for "storying" but I'm in survival mode here. Even if she looks at the other bank statements she won't make a connection...I don't think...)

Mother: Every month?

Me: Yes ma'am. I know that seems like a lot to you but it really isn't. Some people make that much or more per HOUR. When Legare gets out of law school he'll probably bill quite a bit more that than per hour. (See what I did here...the old switcharoo...redirect to the grandchildren, who can do NO evil!)

Mother: I guess I'm just out of touch with how much things cost...How ARE Legare and Lorelai?

We chatted for a few minutes about the kids...then mother said...

Golly doodlebugs (This "golly doodlebugs" thing is new) Now why did I call you?

Me: Just to say hello and ask about the kids...

Mother: Oh...OK...well...good night.

Me: Good night...

I ask you...is it any wonder that I didn't sleep well?