After a couple of successful days with Operation Surely You Jest, (no flying monkeys have been called upon) I just got a phone call about Ned and some recent bad bahavior. I cannot imagine what is going on.
He and the boys went to Walmart and when a child came up to him and spoke, Ned got upset. Nobody knows why. When Mr. Herbert tried to calm him down, Ned was VERY rude. Then he balked at getting in the van to go back to the house. Later in the evening, he was rude AGAIN to Miss Linda, who was working the evening shift...so much so that she got upset and at midnight, called the house supervisor, Miss Nell.
When Nell called this morning, she said that she doesn't think he remembers what he did, but when questioned by Hank, Ned replied, "I'm praying about it." He remembers! He also told mother, "They're going to close the house and I'm going to have to move." That simply isn't true!!
Hank has Ned at the farm for the night and has made it VERY clear that he will apologize to everybody tomorrow morning when he goes back home. Hank's feeling is that Ned did it to get attention since we have been so busy lately and haven't been able to take him out as much.
I'm having one of those little spells now...a selfish spell when things reach a critical mass that I'm NOT in any way proud of, but at least am honest about. Maybe this will give some comfort to other people who are in similar situations with disabled and elderly relatives...
Here goes....I feel very very bitter sometimes about our having sole responsibility for everything related to mother, Hank's mother, and Ned. With Ned as my only sibling and Hank only having a half brother who generally causes more harm than good, we don't have anybody to help us with ANY of it. I know that we are blessed beyond measure, and again, I'm ASHAMED of the way I feel right now, but dang it all, there is always SOMETHING. Along with feeling bitter, I feel guilty and selfish about feeling bitter.
OH MERCIFUL DAYS!! I can't find stitch of humor to include in this post. Sorry!
Thanks for indulging my little pity party. I'm going to wallow in it for the rest of the day and will hopefully be back to my old self tomorrow.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
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Oh dear, I think you just admitted to being human! It's perfectly understandable that you feel the weight of the responsibility, and yep, even bitter about it at times. The difference is that you know that you are blessed also, and that you count those blessing every day. Wallow all you want and then pick yourself up, shake it off and go back to being the wonderful person that we all know you are! Hugs, Kathy
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry for the heavy load you are carrying. As you know, my nephew had DS and I was sole caretaker for each of my parents and now my husband. I certainly understand your feelings and also the shame of even having those feelings. It may or may not be so, but I saw a quote that was attributed to Mother Theresa. It said, "God only gives me what I can handle. I just wish He did not trust me so much."
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have the blog to reach out to many who walk your same path. Someone to share your inner thoughts with and draw the support and love and prayers of friends. And that is what I offer tonight.
By the way, my sister has just started a new blog devoted solely to her life with a Down Syndrome child and his death at age 3. I'll try to get the http address and forward it to you.
I pray tomorrow will be a better day.
No apologies needed. You bear heavy burdens. So glad you can see even the occasional blessing.
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ReplyDeleteHello child of God! You are human... and yes, there is always something. I do not know all you are going through and can't even imagine. But I think you are pretty dog-goned healthy to own up to your so-called pitty party and still realize all of your blessings.
ReplyDeleteBe that Steel Magnolia!
PS So sorry I deleted my previous comment, but I saw a misspelled word!
Pity part allowed, of course, I hope things get cleared up with Ned quickly.
ReplyDeleteNo apologies are needed at all. We all wallow in our own pity parties from time to time for one reason or another. Hey, we are all human. Right? Life can be hard sometimes, but remember, God is right there with us every step of the way. He will NEVER give us more than we are able to handle. I too am feeling stress from dealing with aging parents and if anything else comes into play, I wonder how I will handle it. Hang in there. You also have the pressure of your new job. I am praying for you! Please know that your blogger friends are here for you whenever you need to vent. Love & blessings from NC!
ReplyDeleteKnow this: You are not alone in these feelings at all. We have all been there. And it is so hard to be the one who has to take care of everything. I am ashamed of some of the feelings that I have had over the years regarding different things. I am just glad that we can be here for you. And we are here for you. Keep me posted on the "flying monkeys" situation!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you for dropping by my new blog. I have often wondered how I would have managed Caleb if he had lived and remained as medically fragile and helpless as he was. I admire you for all you do and for reaching out for support and a listening ear when you need it! I look forward to reading more of your posts. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteHugs! Please feel free to vent away. You are under a lot of stress and really have no one to share the burden (except your wonderful husband).
ReplyDeleteHugs! Please feel free to vent away. You are under a lot of stress and really have no one to share the burden (except your wonderful husband).
ReplyDeleteWow, I just read the last 2 posts.
ReplyDeleteYou know I have a special place in my heart for your Ned. I am sorry to hear that he got in trouble. Very stressful for everyone involved.
Yep, it did sound like everyone of those reasons you listed could be the culprit for the behavior.
What an awesome man that Hank is. Definitely your knight in shining armor. Thank God you are truly not alone...you have each other!
(I think I would be scared it you were coming to discipline me too ;)
Everyone has a right to some "Selfish" time. It's what keeps you in it for the long haul.
(note, my eyes are slowly filling with tears)
saying a prayer.
~Julie
You deserve at least a monthly pity party! That is a lot to take on and you do it with such grace and compassion, that you are bound to get worn out every once and awhile.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart! I'm reading this and thinking, "Oh Lord, this would be me and how I would feel." It's too much to handle! Hugs & prayers are being sent your way sweet Southern Belle!
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