Friday, July 11, 2008

Oh my GOSH, she DIDN'T say that!!!

Cast of Characters...The Good People: Our merry band of travelers heading home from Nashville...Hannah, Greta, Big Daddy, Bertha (I let them all choose their blog names before we left the airport) and me. (I hate to leave out the best boss in the world for he was a part of our conference presentation but he didn't fly with us)

Cast of Characters...The Unfortunate Two: Don't know their names so I get to choose...I pick Ms. "I Have Affairs with Married Men" and Ms. "I Have No Dignity or Self Respect." They had loud nasally obnoxious voices and I, as you already know, was without my flying pills and my Ipod earphones were in my checked luggage. Thank goodness for the Cinnabon counter and the Starbucks I visited while waiting for our late departure.

The Unfortunate Two did not know each other until they took their seats on the plane because we heard them introduce themselves. Let me describe them a little more in depth. Their clothing was tacky....tacky, as in standing on the street corner "hey mister do you want some company" tacky. Clearly, they had little in the way of social graces or manners and would be any good southern belle (or northern belle) mother's nightmare when considering who their son might bring home to meet the family.

I'm not going into detail (and there were many many details) except to say that we know everything that was said when the married man's wife called to confront his mistress (The first one actually called herself that...she said, "I was a mistress.") and we heard all the details about the trip to Vegas on the "party plane" where everybody got drunk, etc. etc. and enjoyed all manner of things that could be smoked in the bathroom from the other one. I've pushed my boundaries of appropriateness by telling you about this much. I just can't go on, but rest was insane and thank goodness there were no youngsters sitting nearby.

We were all trying to read but couldn't concentrate. At one point, Hannah started talking loudly over the conversation of the Unfortunate Two about the book she was reading and our tickle boxes got turned over. I thought we were going to have to pull down the oxygen mask for Greta. Big Daddy was sitting one more row up and even HE could hear those annoying fingernails on the chalkboard voices. Bertha was the farthest away and caught the least amount of the conversation, but every now and then she'd look up and say, "Oh my GOSH, she DIDN'T say that." I came so close to asking the flight attendant if there was a parachute available. I would have gladly jumped out as we flew over my house.

We were so happy to get off of that plane. We watched the mistress collect her leopard print suitcase and bid her new found soul sister a fond farewell as she left with some guy...might have been another married man...who knows? Party plane girl was standing on the sidewalk alone in her streetwalker outfit as I crossed over to the parking garage. Unless somebody picked her up, she might still be standing there as I'm pretty sure there were no party planes leaving our airport this evening for Vegas. Those two will definitely go on my list of NOT Southern the top.


  1. Hilarious! I wish I could get some listen to some entertainment like that on my flights! I just get snoring men using my arm rest!

  2. That is hilarious! Ewww!! At least it made for an entertaining plane ride...and a fun blog to write :)


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